It seems a lot of people around me are “coming out.” They are coming out about the way they think, the way the feel, and the way they do things. It’s time for me to “come out!”
I am coming out of religious dogma and shame. My father was and still is an alcoholic and my mother was busy supporting six kids and trying to deal with the misfortune of being married to an alcoholic. I latched onto religion with a vise-like grip, and now I am ready to “let go.” Religious dogma is one hell of a thing to come out of.
I have learned over the last few years that everything preached as “God” is not “God,” but that God is “…all, in all.” (–Col. 3:11)
It is a must that you study the Scriptures for yourself. Read and “study to show your self approved unto God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” (–2 Tim. 2:15.) Without knowing what the Word says, you will feel ashamed. That’s why Adam and Eve felt ashamed – because they believed everything someone else said about God was true. The truth will make you free, but you have to know the truth of the matter.
Key Words in the above Scripture is “not ashamed.” I have lived years in shame. If the truth be told, and here I go – My deepest thoughts were shameful, shameful I tell you!
But seriously, I walked around feeling shame about everything – the way I looked, the way I raised my kids, the way I talked, the things I did, the things I thought – I just didn’t feel good about myself and I think most of that was because I thought I was “no good” – but I was out to prove that I was “very good” (like in the days of Creation when at the end of the day “God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.” – Gen. 1: 31.) I tried my best to keep my hidden self, my shadow – in the dark, from myself.
Other people don’t have to know what you are thinking, but you do have to admit it to yourself – so that you can see yourself and change – if not, LOOK OUT – ’cause here you come – in the form of another body – someone else that can perhaps help you see yourself through them. When you look at someone, it’s like looking in a mirror, at your image and likeness. After all, we are created in His Image and Likeness and when we look at Him, we see us.
It was a long time before I stopped hiding behind fig leaves — in the form of deeds mainly within the church, but also always leading a helping hand even if it seemed to put me in a “situation.”
I went to church every time the doors were opened. I worked religiously in the nursery and children’s department for years – nothing wrong with that, but I realize I was hiding behind it – it was making me look like I was “all spiritual and all.” I was busy helping everyone and attracting needy people so I could get my “feel good” on.
I received honor while in church – awards, and such, for being a “very good” Sunday School teacher; I worked hard so I did indeed look “very good” to the church.
I did not know it at the time, but I was a sick, sick, puppy. I was so dysfunctional, its not even funny.
When a crisis arose, I started calling people – my people, my church, my family. My care pastors were out of town with no one to really take their place. I called another care pastor and she was very nice and instructed me to call the church. I did – and all hell broke loose! I cried so hard I am sure that the lady on the other end of the phone had a hard time understanding what I was saying. I was very upset. Long story short – three months later I knew I had “out grown” that particular church that had been a very important stepping-stone in my spiritual growth at one point, but not anymore. I learned much about the Lord at that church, but it was just time for me to “go to the next level.”
The truth is, it wasn’t until I left the church that I really began studying the Word for myself, at home at first and then I found a great teacher – my mentor – Bishop E. Bernard Jordan, who saved my life – or woke me up, which ever way you want to look at it, and “once your EYE has been opened, you can never become blind to the truth again.” “Once your mind has been expanded, it can never go back to its original state!” The truth will make you free – free to be the man or woman God has called you to be.
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